A Cabin in the Woods
by BustyHarlot
Summary: We find our familiar friends in a cabin in the woods. So it's only natural that some weird sh!t will happen, right? Add a tablespoon of yaoi, two pinches of yuri, a teaspoon of horror and two cups of humor, then we've got something sweet to put in the oven. Hope it tastes good. SoraxRiku, RoxasxAxel, and KairixXion. Other combinations and characters. AU.


-Thank you so much for giving my story a shot! This publication is a comedy/horror/yaoi/yuri combo breaker that I am very excited to write. In the following chapters, the story will get pretty graphic, with gore and good ol' fashioned nasty sex. Limits will be broken here, and I hope to make you all feel nice and dirty after reading. Let's have some fun together!

Please enjoy!-

CHAPTER ONE: FROSTBITTEN PHILANGES

 _Our story begins with a most_ uncanny _hero. Most heroes, at least those old storybook heroes, are all brawn, aren't they? With muscles protruding from their necks and chests, and biceps as thick as the bibles they toted alongside them, they'd send whatever unfortunate fiend they encountered running for the hills. On the other hand,_ our _young hero is as scrawny as he is short, and the only thickness his entire being encompasses is a thickness of his mind, and his ability to take hard hits directly to the head, due to his extraordinarily thick skull. Now, don't take his unique qualities as stupidity; our hero is not stupid in the slightest. He can be very bright at times, usually when the room is at its darkest and it just so happens he remembers that_ he _was the one with the flashlight. And besides, stupid is just a crude word that I dislike, so I prefer to call our hero a bit of a dimwitted dunce, but stupid, he surely is not._

* * *

The moist ground crunched underneath his heavy boots, and various pairs of stompings hallowed the thickening snow into footprints, revealing a hint of dark dirt, dead leaves, and dry wood blanketed by white snow. These footprints trailed behind a group of six troublemaking, mischief-enabling younglings with ages ranging from late teens to early twenties. Up to no good, you'd suspect. They carried heavy backpacks, some slings, some messenger bags, all stuffed and packed so tightly that you could almost hear the cries of the strings and threads being slowly torn apart like a rat on the rack. Well, it was important that the gang brought all they could to the cabin in the woods. Riku and Roxas had warned their comrades that: " _In the event of an emergency, you better make_ damn _sure you brought all that you need_." Town was miles away from the cabin in the woods, so they couldn't just run to Wal-Mart at two o'clock in the morning for Ramen and RedBull. And rest assured, the unexpected, totally out of complete fucking nowhere blizzard that marooned our characters put a small 'I told you so' smirk across Riku's face when Sora finally stopped complaining about carrying his five designated bags filled with food and drink stuffs.

Oh, speaking of Sora, he's the hero I was talking about earlier. I apologize for forgetting to tell you that. Anyway, our hero, Sora, wasn't wearing his usual gleaming grin of hopefulness and optimism. Instead, he was wearing a scowl; that same scowl you'd find on an old man as he watched gleeful children skipping across his freshly mowed lawn. Sora loved many things, and hated only few. But one of those things he hated was the _cold_. His pouting brought a smile to Riku, and a warm sensation in his heart. Thank goodness for that, because it was cold as shit.

"Almost there, Sora. Just suck it up for a bit longer."

"You car is a piece of _crap_ , Axel." Sora snapped.

"H-Hey!" Axel called as he trailed behind the group, carrying big bags of electrical devises and a snake pit of cords. "She got us pretty far, didn't she? And besides," he paused to allow a jolt of ice cold lightning to shoot down his spine, "if you didn't have all the heat blasting on _you_ the entire time, she prolly could have made it a few more miles!"

"It was _hardly_ heat."

"And besides, I don't think that's how cars work, Axel." said Roxas solemnly.

"Why couldn't we just wait in the van for the storm to blow over?!" Kairi hissed at Riku, dragging her feet in the thick snow. She was wearing flats; by this time, I'm sure her toes were all black nuggets of coal, ready to crumble into a fine dust. A dust that was itching to catch fire from all the friction she caused by dragging her feet.

"I told you why, Kairi," Riku sighed, "yes, we're suffering now but we're close to my cabin. The snow is letting up, and it would be uncomfortable for _six_ people to sleep in Axel's shitty van."

" _What_?!"

"He's right Axel. That van _is_ a piece of shit." Roxas smirked.

"Well fuck! All your ungrateful asses should've walked here! Or _flew_ here or some shit! You gotta giant bird to take you here? Hu?! _Hu_?! Yea, that's what I thought! _Can it_ , all of you!"

Although he spit fire, Axel's heated, foul-mouthed barkings did nothing to change the sub-zero temperature, and instead his attitude was met with laughter. Axel's face drooped lowly and his cheeks were as red as the wet hair sticking to his forehead. He was mad. Which made the situation even funnier.

The group walked on, making small conversations here and there, anything at all to distract them from the cold. The walk seemed much longer than it actually was, because before they knew it, the trees began to slowly thin out. Which was a relief for Kairi, because she could have _swore_ she saw something…eerie…staring back at her just a moment ago. Right through those dark, daunting trees. She ignored it; after all, she'd been up for days. Or…maybe it just felt like that.

"You know, Axel's giant bird reminds me of something I've been meaning to show you guys, you see—"

"Shut up Sora, we're here." Riku said flatly.

And they indeed were here—well, _there_ , rather. Standing boldly in front of the group, was a large, old, wooden cabin. A cabin straight out of a horror movie, it seemed. It was tall, wide, and so _menacing_ looking that the surrounding trees looked to be slowly stepping away from it, huddling amongst themselves. A few of the windows were boarded up with rotting planks of wood, the nails gleaming like beady white eyes in the low moonlight. The rest of the windows were draped with pattered curtains. There was also a chimney, brick, and so very primeval, that I'm sure that _one_ wolf from that _one_ story could have easily blown it over. A small part of the roof had collapsed to the side of the cabin, and snow sloshed in small drippy clumps on the patio. There was a pair of big, dead, round headlights off to the side, peeking through a hump of snow. It was Riku's grandfather's grandfather's truck. Riku chuckled quietly to himself at the expressions his friends were making; Roxas seemed to be regretting his decision to join them on their glamping trip, Axel looked intrigued, and studied the cabin with anxious eyes. Sora and Kairi looked at each other and exchanged petrified faces, like they could shit their pants at any second, and Xion stood wide-eyed. She looked interested…or nervous—Riku couldn't tell either way.

Riku stepped forward to unlock the door. He jostled the knob a bit, engaging in a weird, alien-looking handshake for a few seconds. He then removed the key and swung the heavy wooden door open. In a flash, a blur of brown and red zoomed past him. Only after noticing that Sora was gone did he realize that the idiot rushed inside, into complete darkness. Well, Sora would _also_ dive headfirst into the gaping and snarling mouth of a polar bear if it meant being warm while burning to death in the beast's stomach acid. But that's Sora, after all.

" _Wait_ blockhead! At least turn on the light. I haven't been here in years, there might be animals or something in here."

"Good! We'll have some extra food in case the snow doesn't let up." Axel teased at Riku and walked inside, shining his flashlight around. Roxas, shaking his head followed, and Kairi nearly knocked Riku down as she bolted in. Last but not least, the quiet girl, Xion, stood silently next to Riku at the door. Her eyes looked upwards and met Riku's. They looked at each other, for a little while. It's always been hard to read Xion's emotions; her facial expressions were plain, almost all of the time. But this time, her face showed the classic contortions of concern and awkwardness. Of course, this was her first time away from home, let alone being on a glamping trip a hundred miles away, in the middle of god damn fucking nowhere. Xion was an 'indoors' person and spent most of her afternoons in her bedroom, roaming the woods in an open world and wielding a bow and arrow. But _real_ forests? _Real_ woods? Nah, it wasn't her thing. Although after a month or so of begging and nudging from Roxas and Kairi, she finally agreed to come along.

Riku patted her lightly on her shoulder. She was much shorter than him, even shorter than Sora.

"It's okay, Xion." He said. "You'll have fun, don't worry. How about you go with Kairi? She might need help setting up."

Xion gave Riku a small, gentle smile. "Don't worry, I'm already having fun." After this, she went inside, being guided by her flashlight as well, and found a seat next to Kairi and Sora, who were sitting desperately in front of a cold, dead, fireplace. Though it was still a fireplace, right? Just the _thought_ of fire was good enough for them.

Riku was last inside. He flipped the light switch on the right side of the door and illuminated the living room. The light flickered and was accompanied by a low electrical hum, but shit, it was light. The group turned off their flashlights, save for Sora, who had tossed his to the side and was so tightly bundled in a knot of blankets he magically pulled from his ass that he couldn't tell Riku had turned the lights on. Kairi chuckled and poked the knot and Sora grumbled something too smothered to understand.

The inside of the cabin was also a bit unnerving, but oddly homely at the same time. The walls were decorated with old floral patterns, patterns an old lady (Riku's grandmother's grandmother, for example) would like. There were a few sofas and loveseats and a dusty rug that Kairi, Sora, and Xion sat on. Old pictures hung from the walls, outlined by blackened dust that long ago stained the surrounding wallpaper. The pictures climbed the long, spiral staircase, leading to the second and third floor. There was no television, just a prehistoric wooden block that must have been a radio, and a lopsided piano. Riku remembered the piano being brown, though it looked pitiful and gray at this point. Trinkets and knickknacks were lined properly on tables and counters, and everything had a sheet of dust and cobwebs attached to it. The cabin had always been creepy, so it was only natural to spend at least _one_ Halloween there.

Nearly sliding over the frozen pile of shoes left by his friends at door, Riku checked his watch. It was ice cold and hazy, but he was still able to read the time: 11 something at night. His friends were cold and tired, utterly exhausted and utterly frozen. He had planned to get wood and get the fireplace started to warm the place up, granted the heat in the cabin was generally as shitty as Axel's van. But it looked like this night would be a cold one. No one was in the mood _or_ shape to go back outside. Realizing this, Riku said, "Alright. How about we all just get some sleep. There are a ton of rooms upstairs, you can use whichever one you want."

"Good!" Roxas exclaimed, more cheery than usual. And with that he was up the stairs, carrying a few of the bags he had brought with him.

"Hang on! I want first pick!" Axel called after him, and was on his heels following.

Kairi, void of energy, strained to get to her feet. "Come on Xion, let's share a room. This place is…" she looked at Riku who looked back at her curiously. "Never mind. Let's get some sleep." She walked upstairs and out of sight, only taking a single bag with her. Xion followed her silently.

All that was left was…

Riku crouched beside Sora, who was still wrapped in his cocoon. He placed his hand on Sora's back—or at least, the place where his back _should_ be, he couldn't entirely tell at this point. He felt Sora shivering under all those blankets. If he weren't so small, he probably wouldn't be this damn cold. Poor little thing.

"Sora," Riku said quietly, in a considerate tone, "time to go to bed. I can't leave you down here." He heard Sora sniff, and his quivering voice only slightly escaped through the cocoon.

"I'm too cold to move, Riku." He said in the most pathetic way possible. Riku smiled, Sora was just so cute. Too cute for his own good, sometimes. He rubbed Sora's back.

"Want me to carry you?"

There was another sniffle, but no words followed. That was the manliest way Sora could think of as saying 'yes,' Riku figured, but it turned out not to be manly at all. Just downright god damn adorable. Riku shook his head from all the sugar Sora let off. It could give him a stomach ache or worse, rot his teeth. He sighed and stood to his feet.

"Well, come on then."

Sora slowly poked his head from the thicket of blankets and looked upwards at Riku. Although the light was dim, it did nothing to hide the vibrant sea in his eyes, so blue, so vast that Riku felt as though he was staring at the beach on Destiny Islands itself. Riku bent down and picked him up, along with a few of the blankets, and started walking upstairs. Sora wasn't all that heavy, and Riku had carried him dozens of times. This most certainly wouldn't be the last time, probably not even for this story. Sora rested his nest of brown hair on Riku's shoulder, close to his neck. The blue from his eyes shone no more—he must be asleep, thought Riku.

Riku took Sora to a bedroom at the end of the hallway; it was a large one, the one Riku himself slept in as a child when he visited his grandparents. The room was almost as Riku had left it, clean and tidy, excluding the dust and webs. The bedroom was pretty basic with wide bed and dresser, a loveseat, and a walk in closet off to the side. The only non-basic feature it had was a beautiful balcony, closed at this time. The white fabric draped over the foggy glass doors fluttered and danced silently, just barely sweeping the hardwood floor. Riku supposed there must be a draft somewhere.

Riku laid Sora in the center of the bed, along with the blankets, and tucked him inside yet another blanket. He then rested his own body beside him, too tired to move another inch. Well, that was partially a lie; because Riku mustered _just_ enough strength to lift his arm and wipe a smudge of dirt from Sora's wet, pink cheek. And after this, he was out cold, almost instantly.


End file.
